Saturday, July 30, 2011

July Horrorscopes

Aries (March 21-April 19) There's two dead women on a bench in the park. One of them is your aunt.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) He's been outside your house for days. He's staring at your family through your windows, scaring your children. Bash his fucking brains in with a hammer.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) Your father will abuse you; your father is violent. Imagine his hands on your mother's body.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) Stay away from children; they will cut your stomach open and crawl inside your body pretending to be the person they believe you are.

Leo (July 23-August 22) Put all the dead bodies in your kitchen in the the most remote cave in the State Park...that's the only way to get rid of that smell, pal.

Virgo (August 23-September 22) Scratch out your eyes, peel off your skin, tear off your genitals; die to yourself and die to this world.

Libra (September 23-October 23) Hang her by the tree in the back yard. She's asked you politely, after all.

Scorpio (October 24-November 21) We will carry your body through the streets: trumpets, trombones, snare drums, harps, gods; there's something dark in the forsaken corners where we hide from ourselves.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) You will raise your loved ones from the dead; now they are hens and various other types of small fowl.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) You come home and someone has tied up your pets and made them watch an elaborately staged reenactment of the burning of Joan of Arc. Your living room is ruined! All that ash and all those dove feathers!

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) You've convinced yourself that you're the reincarnation of an 1840s gold prospector...but as a point of fact, you're not. Get rid of those six shooters and cowboy hats and stop using colloquialisms from the mid 19th century and you'll be just a little less lonesome and lost.

Pisces (February 19-March 20) Your mouth is on her mouth, life everlasting; she puts her hands on your genitals and you get an erection. Kiss her for hours, she's yours.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Centaur shit by the steaming mouthful

In a beach front bar with a throat full of bourbon and a heart full of savagery, I made a connection with a short haired brunette with a long flowing dress that draped the floor. We slipped into the bathroom and locked the door; frenzied hands stripping clothes from trembling bodies. In the midst of this ecstatic disrobing and in a state of extreme excitation, I discovered that my potential mate was a centaur. I was admittedly taken aback but with an erect genital organ and a cold mind full of dark Eros, I decided to do what I went in there to do. As I squared up to her backside hoping to not get kicked, she started shitting: foul, steaming piles of centaur shit. She stared me directly in the eyes and smiled, then she immediately started eating the dark brown shit by the mouthful. She looked up at me with her craned neck and with her mouth crammed to the cheeks with feces and asked if I'd like some. Not wanting to be rude and kind of intrigued, I bent down and put a bit in my mouth. It tasted like mythology and grain. Somebody was beating the door down, so we put our clothes back on and went our separate ways. I chased the centaur shit with another glass of Kentucky bourbon and passed out on the pier.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Mutter Museum--Philadelphia, PA

The Mutter Museum, a medical museum in Philly that is dedicated to physical abnormalities, curiosities and death elicits an admixture of awe, empathy and a profound sense of the often profane nature of physiological functions. Browsing through the photography depicting the human animal with remarkable deformities, the embalmed and distorted fetuses, the bones disfigured by gun shots, syphilis, pathogens or general misfortune I found myself deeply moved and marveling at the handiwork of the penumbral shaping hands. The lack of supposed moral acumen in the natural kingdom and it's startling purity is further evidence that the laws of man are meaningless and his godless civilization will mercifully crumble and vanish.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Haitian hearts in Lexington, KY

Beleaguered and harrowed by tenebrous and darksome dreams, Noah and I struck out in search of a meal in Lexington. We were fortunate enough to discover a street vendor whose exotic fare included roasted human hearts and genitals, a meal I greedily consumed with a rare gusto found only in the pentinent sinner who has fasted for weeks and is only now able to enjoy his feast with peace in his wounded heart and atonement in his grieving spirit. The heart tasted like pain and fear. The genitals were garnished with poisonous weeds and tasted bitter and unfulfilled. With a full belly and a heart so strange and wild, I saw and made avail of a brief opportunity to peer into the ghastly trailer when the proprietors left for a short break. Finding the back door unlocked, I discovered a grisly scene: black corpses decapitated and delicately carved up, heads on a spit with bulging eyes and knives between their teeth. Bringing the minimal extent of my anthropological insight to bear, I surveyed bone structure etc and decided that the cadavers were likely Haitian.