Alan in Prophetstown, Indiana #35 (Hyperreality)

I woke up to the sound of screaming two nights ago. I looked out my bedroom window and saw a mob of people about to sacrifice a teenage girl in my backyard. They had her splayed out on my patio table with three of them holding her down while one of them brandished a bowie knife. As he was raising it to plunge into her, I opened my window and yelled out "I'm gonna call the police" to which they replied "Do you want our crops to die? If so, go ahead and call them." We need a good corn yield this year so I shut my window and curled up next to my girlfriend in bed.