Vince in Frankfurt, KY #70 (Dreams)

I joined an Antiochan Orthodox Church near my home some weeks back because I had begun to feel alone with my love for God and that feeling of being so intimately fused was almost too heavy a burden to bear. I sat through the liturgy, felt quite welcomed by the congregation but somewhere inside I felt this barren, broken feeling when I was in the Cathedral. A couple of nights ago I had a dream that I was struggling up a craggy hill with thousands of other people who were cloaked in an otherwordly silence. When I finally managed to climb to the top, all I could see in the distance were many more treacherous hills with many more thousands of people climbing them. I woke up and sat on the edge of the bed; thought about hurling myself out of the window. I wondered if my longing for joy and unity wasn't a sterile, false bond put in place to try and make man feel less alone and if maybe God and vitality could only be found in solitude and sorrow?